How To Get Rid Of The Excess And Get Rid Of The Fear Of Missed Opportunities

How To Get Rid Of The Excess And Get Rid Of The Fear Of Missed Opportunities
How To Get Rid Of The Excess And Get Rid Of The Fear Of Missed Opportunities

Video: How To Get Rid Of The Excess And Get Rid Of The Fear Of Missed Opportunities

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Video: How to Stop Kicking Yourself for Missed Opportunities 2023, February

If you are often worried that you did not get to a concert, lecture, did not go on a trip or did not participate in the competition, most likely you are faced with FOMO (Fear of missing out), fear of missed opportunities. The author of this term, Patrick McGinnis, believes that FOMO is a scourge of the digital society, which leads to stress, insecurity, envy, even depression. The opposite of FOMO is JOMO - the pleasure of being able to skip something and not regret it later. It becomes a universal remedy from FOMO. How to transform fear of missed opportunities into pleasure, and how technology contributes and hinders this at the same time, was discussed by Patrick McGinnis in his book. T&P publishes an excerpt from it.

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FOMO sapiens. How to get rid of your fear of missed opportunities and start making the right decisions

Patrick McGinnis

Alpina Publisher, 2021

Digital technologies and FOMO

People seek relief from stress and lack of concentration in meditation, yoga, and apps that can control or limit their screen time. We will soon be the first generation of guinea pigs for all kinds of high-tech companies developing digital wellbeing projects. Awareness is turning into a billion-dollar industry that will only grow. When that kind of money is at stake, consider that the war for your attention has not even begun. What we saw was just the first salvo that opened a long and protracted war, the weapon of which will be high technology, money and the general awareness that the current way of staying "connected" is imperfect.

Trying to tackle e-problems with digital wellness initiatives is certainly worthwhile - it’s the first step in helping to restore some degree of autonomy to users. At the same time, most of all these tools and applications are nothing more than half measures. You can do as many digital detoxifications as you like, but at some point you will have to pick up your phone. If you live and work in a modern society, then with regard to high technologies the “all-or-nothing” alternative disappears - you can only find the right balance. The benefits of redefining and rethinking the relationship with mobile devices, programs and apps are clear. A University of Pennsylvania study, No More FOMO: Limiting Social MediDecreases Loneliness and Depression, found that decreasing use of social media such as Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram lowered levels of FOMO, anxiety, depression and feelings of loneliness in a group of senior students. The author of the study preferred that students continue to use social media, but with restrictions, as she considered complete detoxification "an unrealistic goal." She's right.

If you want high tech to stop spurring on your FOMO and FOBO, you need to think realistically: your goal is not rejection, but control.

One approach to such a change in mindset is to think of limiting the use of high technology as a diet. To be healthy and looking good, you need to stop chewing on something all day. To maintain mental health and control over your own life, you should avoid digital snacks. E-mail, text messages, social networks, notifications and other "snacks" on your phone will make you "put on weight" if you "nibble" them incessantly.

However, "snacking" a couple of times a day, you will preserve mental health - there is no need to completely "tie" with high technology (which is, in principle, impossible).To do this, you need to take small but important steps: turn off notifications, track screen time, erase distracting applications from your phone, and generally take a break from mobile devices from time to time, focusing on work or communication. It's like cutting out unhealthy foods from your diet: you will soon realize that you feel much better if you don't get distracted every second.

You will also find that there are very few things in life that require an immediate response. It is quite logical to fear that by turning off notifications and ceasing to be constantly “in touch”, you will miss something important. Of course, you run the risk of missing a vital call or fateful news (the likelihood of this is very small, but psychologically significant). But in the same way, there is a possibility that one day, leaving the house, you will stumble and cripple, you will be robbed or struck by lightning. However, you put up with this state of affairs, open the door and still go outside. This is the price of freedom. The same applies to high technology. If you want to deprive the device of power over yourself, you have to risk missing something. And, of course, if a person urgently needs to contact you, he will find a way to do it, as our ancestors did at the dawn of high technology.

Digital mindfulness or just mindfulness

In recent years, digital well-being and digital awareness have become buzzwords; the same goes for ordinary awareness, the elementary thing. This is a good result. Although high technology provokes a distraction, people have been fighting FOMO and FOBO since time immemorial. Therefore, in order to achieve victory, it is not enough to control the use of high technologies. This is probably why practices such as meditation today are intended not only for residents of exotic countries and all kinds of freaks. If you want to join, you can choose an app like Headspace or Ten Percent Happier, or go to a meditation class. If you are just starting to work on mindfulness, it may seem that all of these practices have recently been invented or adjusted to suit the specifics of life in a society that does not stop for a second. But this is not the case.

Michael Rogan is a neurologist and psychotherapist with a PhD from New York University and a research fellow at Columbia University. He has been practicing Buddhist meditation for over 40 years. Using these three areas of expertise, Rogan has built his work at the intersection of modern psychology, behavioral neuroscience and ancient Buddhist practices. It turns out that since 500 BC, everything has not changed as much as it seems. Meditation has been around for over 2,500 years because even in the time of the Buddha, people struggled with anxiety and stress just as they do today. FOMO and FOBO existed then, although they were provoked by other factors. To designate such feelings in Buddhism even has its own term - dukkha, or "all-pervading dissatisfaction."

Many psychological techniques have been developed to solve this problem, but Rogan suggests that one of the simplest is mindfulness. In fact, the practices created by the Buddha and his followers are now accepted by modern therapists as treatment protocols. And the point is this.

By practicing mindfulness, you purposefully focus your attention on your presence in the physical world.

You notice the chair you are sitting on, concentrate on your bodily sensations, observe your breathing, and pay attention to whatever you hear. By focusing in this way, you are doing something very important - you are destroying your usual ideas about the future, the past, or about what you lack. You also drop your yearnings, needs, desires, and insecurities. You live here and now.

Being in the moment is the opposite of FOMO and FOBO. When these fears overwhelm you, you forget about everything that is happening around you.You no longer remember that the sky is blue or that it is cold outside. You forget to live. This is the secret of awareness. When you are focused on what you are feeling right now - say, taking a breath - you are not thinking about the past or the future. After all, you cannot feel the breath that you took five minutes ago or you will take in an hour. If you notice your breath at the moment in which you take it, then you are present in the world, because this sensation lasts only for a moment.

Here is one of the important lessons of this practice - you have a choice of where to direct your physical and mental energy. If you want to focus on the present without thinking about yesterday and tomorrow, you can do this exercise for at least a few minutes to give your mind a break from the eternal chewing of thoughts. The more you exercise, the more you realize that you are able to make a choice and break free at any moment - even for a few seconds or minutes. You are the master of your life and you yourself choose what to direct your attention to. It is possible to receive a much-needed salvation from all the pitfalls that have to be faced every day. That being said, it's important to make time for exercise every day. This is not a new rule promoted by trendy meditation apps, but an ancient proven practice that you too should master.

You've probably already heard about mindfulness, but considered it some kind of shamanism. This concept is sometimes associated with the New Age subculture and its attributes: magic crystals, turquoise jewelry and kombucha, but in this general mass it is very easy to lose sight of awareness. This bias is worth ditching, especially when you consider that mindfulness helps many business people, including Oprah Winfrey, Mark Benioff, and Ray Dalio, to reduce stress, clarify thinking, and better control emotions. You don't have to take meditation and mindfulness as part of the New Age if you don't like the culture. It’s much more correct to look at them as a fallback, another way to stay resilient in difficult times.

Even if you think the idea of ​​mindfulness is reasonable and want to implement it in your life, it often does not come easily. The trouble is not that it’s difficult in itself - it’s just difficult to make it a priority. You can take my word for it. For years I have tried to practice meditation. I downloaded applications, took lessons, what I just didn’t do. But, although at times I was able to meditate for several days in a row, I did not know how to make it a habit, a part of my daily routine. I was always too busy or too distracted and just forgot to meditate every day.

When I shared my failure with Dr. Rogan, he advised me to reconsider the view of mindfulness. He believes that the best way to incorporate this practice into your life is to remember that practicing mindfulness does not mean sitting still. There is a widespread belief that if you don't sit cross-legged on the floor reciting mantras, or go to a fourteen-day retreat in Thailand, you are doing it all wrong. But this is just a myth. It’s not for nothing that many people come up with the best ideas when they shower. In these minutes, in all likelihood, awareness comes, even if the person does not feel it. When water is pouring on you, you can't help but notice. You are “present in the moment,” and it bears good fruit. Roughly the same can be experienced, for example, when you wash the dishes or just lie on the couch with your dog.

Keep in mind: it shouldn't be difficult for you. Thinking that difficulties await you and that for a good result the consciousness needs to be forced into something, you miss the point. Your goal is to give your mind some breathing room, not to overload it. And if it is difficult, do not be upset. As with almost everything, it takes practice. You can always find a mentor - enroll in a group or take individual lessons.

Mindfulness sometimes takes on unexpected forms associated with other important aspects of life.Monsignor Dolan, whom you are already familiar with, believes that the main step in overcoming FOMO and FOBO is to find time for contemplation, meditation and reflection. For him and many others, this is expressed in the form of prayer. You can also exercise in a similar way by walking around town or even listening to music. But whatever you do, the main thing is to focus on what is happening at this moment and which you usually do not even notice. For example, observe the rhythm of a song, or listen for the sensation of your sole touching the ground while walking or running.

Remember only the basic principles to adhere to when reflecting on your relationship with high technology and considering various ways to learn how to miss opportunities.

Our goal is not rejection, but control. Find ways to get out of the "always connected" mode. Put high technology in place. Take time to build awareness in the ways that suit you.

The joy of missed opportunities

In the aforementioned speech at the Google I / O Summit, Sundar Pichai used another phrase that he announced as an antidote to FOMO:

People tend to keep up with all the information they have. They suffer from FOMO - fear of missed opportunities. We think we have a chance to do better. Communicating with different people, we got to know the concept of JOMO - the joy of missed opportunities. So I think our concept of digital wellbeing can really help users.

The concept of JOMO (Joy of Missing Out) was invented by blogger and entrepreneur Anil Dash, who suddenly realized: “When you get old and become as delightfully and peacefully boring as I am, you will start staying at home to bathe and put your child to bed in time, and this will be the best for you in the world. " Since then, everyone has learned: JOMO is a universal remedy for FOMO. The word has appeared in advertising campaigns, magazine articles and all over social media. In this sense, it followed in the footsteps of FOMO - it has rightfully become a meme.

So is JOMO really the antidote to FOMO? My answer is this: sometimes, but, of course, not always. JOMO is not a process, but a goal. This is not a journey, but a destination. In fact, even if you are capable of getting into a full-blown JOMO state, I would say that you still have not completely overcome FOMO. The very need to announce to the whole world how happy you are to miss this or that opportunity looks, in my opinion, somewhat unnatural. If you really don't mind missing an opportunity, it won't even enter your head to trumpet your joy. Posting about your JOMO on Instagram is like breaking up with your partner and flooding the network with photos telling you that you are "happier than ever!"

So what is JOMO? You will be able to experience this sensation for the most part by eliminating the information asymmetry that causes FOMO. If you know what you are missing and you don't care, this is JOMO. When this certainty is not there, the question becomes more complicated. How can you feel JOMO without knowing what you are giving up? By definition, you can't be happy about missing out on an opportunity you don't know about. Otherwise, everyone would be constantly in the JOMO state - after all, millions of events happen in the world every minute, about which we know nothing. In addition, JOMO is most often seen when it comes to little things. Skipping a social event, a weekend getaway, or some other momentary event can really feel joyful. But no one will run around and scream the way JOMO feels about missing out on true love, not building a good career, or avoiding the opportunity to start an entrepreneurial or non-profit business. All of this can definitely cause the worst attacks of FOMO, but not JOMO.

When it comes to dreams that you have cherished for a long time, or adventures that you would like to live, JOMO will not save you, which means you need to find another way. Fortunately, you can pay attention to your FOMO, learn from it, and then apply it to your benefit.

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